Vampires are Stupid

I am constantly criticized by friends who see my absolute refusal to watch certain TV shows and movies as closed-minded and ridiculous. My all-out ban on fantasy-themed storylines, however, can be easily explained and justified. Are you ready?

I simply have no attention span for shit that can’t happen in real life.That’s it.

I feel like storylines rooted in elements of science fiction and fantasy waste my time. I have an imagination of my own. I do not need to see impossible scenarios portrayed with an ironic air of realism. I can dream very clear images of fantasy on my own, and they’d be far better than what’s on TV because they would star ME achieving all of my wildest dreams- not just glamorized characters that pop culture has decided should be regarded as chic and interesting for the moment. In no version of reality do beings with elongated eye teeth shop openly in grocery stores where they are accepted as functioning yet undead members of society. In my opinion, tales that veer this far from plausible life have no place in live action television. This is not to say that I watch only CNN and NatGeo. I watch ridiculous comedies regularly. I am big fan of both intelligent comedy (30 Rock) as well as imbecilic, borderline offensive humor (poop jokes on SNL). Further, my affinity for LOST may seem even more hypocritical of my above position, but this too I can explain. I allowed myself to become "involved" in the LOST plot line early on, when I believed it was a plausible plane crash/ castaway story. I despise the elements of LOST that make it veer from reality, namely the inexplicable smoke monster. However, I do believe the creators of LOST have done a brilliant job of logically explaining the reasons behind the island’s eccentricities. They are all rooted in science, and the fact that I am not well-versed in the laws of physics or any highly technical scientific theories, I believe it. Time travel possible because of a high magnetic charge in a uniquely polarized part of the Earth? Sure, I’ll buy it. I do know enough about humans to know that drinking blood will not cause the aging process to stop or cause one to live for hundreds of years, however, and even if there were, the rest of us with a finite life span would certainly not embrace these "people" or be cool with sitting next to one while getting our Saturday afternoon pedis.

I also believe there is something to be said for allowing my brain to relax & switch to auto pilot while my eyes glaze over and I sit in a near catatonic state while bright flashing images of Tom and Jerry roll across my TV screen. That is what REAL cartoons (those created to stimulate the growing minds of children) are for. For the record, I also dislike animated sit-coms because they have polluted an innocent genre by being erroneously lumped together with the brilliant art form cultivated by the likes of Walt Disney and Warner Brothers.

So, perhaps my reasoning is flawed, and perhaps I am completely inconsistent in casting my judgment upon televised media, but I don’t think I am. Vampires are stupid.

Magical Morning Show

If you’ve met me at least once, or if you’ve even caught a whiff of my presence on the internet, you have been made aware of the fact that I am obsessed with music. Not only am I obsessed with music, but I emote to a ridiculous degree when I listen to it. On a daily basis, the sounds that are constantly pumped into my ears cause me to moan, shriek, shout, sing, fist-pump, sway, and generally behave like a mental patient. It’s what I do: my thing.

Anyway, by the grace of God about a year ago, I stumbled upon the kexp morning show, hosted by John Richards. I am not otherwise a morning person. Each day as I set out to a less-than-desirable job in less-than-comfortable business casual attire, my head is filled with evil and malicious thoughts and feelings toward fellow New York City commuters on the subway, resentment toward my failed career aspirations, and a general sense of woe-is-me-ness. Al most nothing can snap me out of this brow-furrowing funk- ALMOST! The kexp morning show has accomplished the most impossible of missions, however. A magical man named John Richards (and occasionally Troy Nelson) has not only managed to make my mornings tolerable, but has given me a reason to (gasp) look forward to the earliest part of my day!

John’s morning show consists of a brilliant mix of independent music, new and old, as well as choice tracks from main stream musical acts spanning multiple musical eras. That bland description, however, does not do justice to the ingeniously crafted combination of music that this man puts together every morning, which, collectively, have had the effect of making me weep on more than one occasion. When John played Otis Redding’s “Ive Been Loving You too Long”, per my e-mailed request, my chest tightened and my throat went into spasm. Just last week I was compelled to send emails to my closest friends begging for their emotional support when I heard Pearl Jam’s “Black”, Dolly Parton’s “In the Ghetto”, and Iron and Wine in the same set.

Co-workers have seen me thrust my rolling desk chair back into the wall, throw my arms up in the air emphatically and bury my face in my hands on multiple occasions from the hours of 9am-12pm. This show is no joke. This radio show possesses the magical power to simultaneously weaken, yet empower me. Although I drink a huge cup of coffee and shit-ton of water when I get to work every morning, I rarely use the bathroom, for fear that I’ll miss one of the gems that John has plucked from the recesses of his collection, and offered up buffed and gleaming for me to adore.

“My God, YES! ‘Touch Me Pt. 2’, by My Morning Jacket was EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now- today in this moment! How did you know?!?!”

“Sweet mother of mercy, I did not realize how deeply and profoundly ‘Playground Love’ by Air would affect me on this Wednesday morning!”

Dear John Richards: I hope you do not think me creepy for loving your show so deeply. Please continue to make my mornings bright, when the rest of the world seems intent upon casting shadows over me.

Dear World: If you have not already, I implore you to visit kexp.org and listen to 91.5 in New York or 90.3 in Seattle. Please also make donations because this station is powered by listener contributions. If this station- this morning- show were to cease to exist, I am certain that a tiny piece of me would also. Good day, Talia

Indefinite Hiatus!

Hey Everyone,

I'm sure you have noticed that I have not posted in a loooong loooong time! Well, that's because I'm super busy, and I just don't have the time or attention to devote to my beloved blog right now.

I am not saying that this is the end of AccordingtoTalia, BUT I'm just saying I'll prob be taking a break for a little while.

If you miss me, you can always follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/TaliaEsq, which I update pretty regularly still due to the ease and convenience of mobile tweeting! Fear not, dear Internet, you have NOT seen (read) the last of me!

Until we meet again....

Love,
Talia

Back from Bonnaruuuuuuce!

Hiyo! I'm back from Bonnaroo. I have been in 5 states in the past 24 hours...had lots of travel woes, but as expected, the festival was AMAZING!

I have to pretend to assimilate back into the real world now, but as soon as I get a free minute, I'll tell you all about my adventures in New York, New Jersey, Kentucky, Tennessee and Michigan (and we flew!).


Bonnaruuuuuuce!

Pearl Jam Bonus Song on Conan

Apparently after the cameras stopped rolling on Monday, Pearl Jam treated Conan's studio audience to a bonus performance of Neil Young's Rockin in the Free World. Sick solo, Mikey!

Pearl Jam with Conan and Andy

The above photo (grabbed from RollingStone.com) shows a glowing Pearl Jam with Conan and Andy after the premier episode of the new Tonight Show this week. Looks like the boys are just as excited as I am about Backspacer (tentatively set to release on September 22)!

There has been quite a bit of tug-of-war this week regarding Pearl Jam's secret show and early leaks of 1.) Confidential information regarding the Target deal and 2.) New Songs.

One fellow blogger (fuelfriendsblog) has had a very up close and personal head butting with Pearl Jam's people after posting, and subsequently removing a fan-made bootleg from the Showbox/ Target event, and has ultimately kissed and made up with the band (via its stern Representatives).

Read her insightful recount of the entire story here.

I feel you, sister. Thanks for being so open and honest about the situation for the rest of our enlightenment.

Last night on Conan's first episode as host of The Tonight Show, Pearl Jam debuted another brand new song from their upcoming 9th studio album, "Backspacer". Earlier this week, internet buzz lashed out against PJ for hooking up with Target as a Corporate sponsor for the new album's release this fall, following a secret commercial/ Cameron Crowe video shoot at The Showbox, where the band played Something's Going On, for the first time in front of a live audience of "extras".

Personally, this week's events have made me even more excited about the release of Backspacer, and the upcoming tour dates to support it! I don't heart corporate sponsorship, but at least I am already a loyal Target Shopper. It could be worse. Hey, we're getting a new album! Can I really complain about that?

Eddie's got some, and oh boy, do I need it! :)

Get an audio rip of the Conan performance here before it disappears, via gremmie.net.

Pearl Jam's Relationship with Target Revealed

Hey there. So here's the real scoop on the whole Pearl Jam/ Showbox/ Target Commercial deal, and what it means for the band and for us!

Repost from Billboard.com
Pearl Jam was indeed recording a Target commercial under the direction of Cameron Crowe last week at Seattle's Showbox theater, Billboard can confirm. But there's more to the story than an exclusive retail relationship.While it has been known that Pearl Jam are no longer under contract after 18 years of recording for Sony-affiliated labels, there has been only speculation about who would release their next album and how. Kelly Curtis, who has managed Pearl Jam since day one, conducted a wide-ranging interview with Billboard on Sunday night, confirming that the band's next release - rumored to be called "Backspacer" and currently scheduled for an early fall release - would come without a U.S. label, but a consortium of partners, including Target as the "big box" retail partner."We'll have a lot of partners," said Curtis, who confirmed that deals were also finished or in the works with an online retailer, a mobile partner, a gaming company and with a network or possibly networks of indie retail stores. "Target ended up allowing us to have other partners. We'll be able to take care of all levels of the Pearl Jam fan...We wish we could tell the whole story right now, but all the deals aren't done. Target was cool enough to realize that little independent record stores are not their competition." Curtis was also quick to note that the album would be for sale via Pearl Jam's fan club, Ten Club.

News of the Target commercial taping first broke last week on antiquiet.com, which is also hosting a bootleg recording from the Target taping of a song that Curtis confirmed was called "The Fixer." While a first single hasn't been definitively chosen from the new album yet, the song is in the running. An official first single will likely be released in July.Curtis said that the Target commercial was only one reason for the Showbox session; with singer Eddie Vedder on tour supporting his solo work for the next month, "we had a narrow window to get some footage," says Curtis. "We shot three or four songs that night." Curtis said that some of the footage may be used for a project that Cameron Crowe is working on in connection to the band's 20th anniversary.

Pearl Jam will play at least one new song tonight on the debut of "The Tonight Show" with Conan O'Brien. "That was booked months ago," said Curtis. "We didn't even know if the album was going to be finished when we booked it. It isn't like we're releasing a single after the show or anything." And while blogs are rampant with speculation that the band will play "The Fixer," Curtis said the band was still kicking around "two or three songs, all of them new" to perform.Curtis also confirmed that the band would tour to support this latest album, and that internationally, the album would be released via Universal Music Group."I make decisions around the band's business that are consistent with their overall philosophy," said Curtis, "which is to sell music in a way that's accessible and affordable to their fans, on every distribution platform that their fans access music, and in a way that takes care of the little guys."Everyone's making assumptions because Target is a big corporation," said Curtis. "Its important to remember we just got out of this 18 year relationship with Sony, and I'm pretty sure they are a bigger corporation than Target. We have the freedom to pick our partners and more control when we've ever had before. We're excited to choose who we're in business with."Curtis says it was important to him and to the band to redefine the notion of an "exclusive" retail partnership. "I appreciate the efforts of bands like AC/DC and Radiohead," says the manager, alluding to two of the bands that have self-released albums recently. "But I wanted our plan to be multi-dimensional to address old and modern ways of fans accessing music. It will allow all of our fans to have the same access."

"This is an ongoing experiment," said Curtis. "Every time we do something it's new for us, and were not trying to tackle the whole world at once. All we've been searching for forever is independence and control over our own stuff. The way of releasing records is changing every day. This is the best way we could do it ourselves in America. Right or wrong, we'll figure that out and make it better the next time."